There are nights.. like tonight.. when I would give anything to have him home.. safe.. in bed next to me.

There are nights.. like tonight.. when I spray his cologne on our bed so I can close my eyes and pretend he is laying there next to me.

There are nights.. like tonight.. when I don't want to open my eyes and face the reality that he isn't here.

There are nights.. like tonight.. when I go into our bathroom and see his toothbrush exactly where he left it.. next to mine.. and for a moment I think "man I should really throw that away before someone thinks I'm nuts," but I already know I won't. I'm afraid to throw away things he left behind because it will feel like he was never here.. like our life before this deployment was all just a dream.

There are nights.. like tonight.. when I worry if our life together will be the same when he returns home. Will he still love being around me? Will he still be attracted to me?

There are nights.. like tonight.. when I wonder if I'm the only one that is crying and feeling like this deployment is never going to end.

There are nights.. like tonight.. when I'm half asleep and I reach out for him.. only to wake up disappointed.