Wednesday, September 30, 2009

This totally made my day :)

Even Though We're 7,000+ Miles Apart..

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

through God, our love will never fail.

Lover Be Strong

Saturday, September 26, 2009

In order for J and I to get married in the church we chose, we had to attend premartial counseling. The pastor of the church was a woman... I have nothing against women being pastors, but there was just something about this woman that I found very strange. In fact, most of my family that had the pleasure to meet her agreed with me. I felt soooo relieved when everyone agreed that we should search for someone else. Then the stress hit me. We needed to find someone that could give us the required counseling but also be able to relate to us as a military couple... and that wasn't exactly easy. We decided a Navy chaplain was the way we should go.

Around that time J's command had just got a new chaplain. J hunted him down while he was away for FEX and begged asked him to perform the wedding ceremony and counseling. "Chaps" (as we refer to him) said he would get back to Jeremy about it... but he eventually agreed to do. We then decided to have our counseling sessions at his home with his wife present.. so it would be a more relaxed setting for me.

Okay, now let me tell you a little secret -- I wasn't looking forward to the premartial counseling. In fact, I was more than aggravated that we had to do it. I thought we didn't need it. We were in love and that's all that mattered! (Right??) I decided we would go and get it over with, but I WOULD NOT enjoy it one bit. What I saw as a big inconvenience.. turned out to be a huge blessing for us. (Funny how that works huh?) We learned so much from Chaps and his wife. They were able to relate to us on a level that most people couldn't. They knew our worries about being a married military couple because they were going through it too. It was exactly what we needed at that time in our life together.

One thing that I loved about the counseling was that we were able to open up about things we normally wouldn't talk about. For me it was my fear of marriage. Yep, I was terrified of marriage. Growing up I was never shown how a Godly marriage was suppose to be. Instead I saw drugs, alcohol, screaming, walls being punched, women being pushed down, and adultery. I was able to discuss my fears and it helped J open up about his. His parents divorced when he was younger so he was also a little nervous about marriage. (The fact that around that time most of the military couples we knew were getting divorces did not help one bit either!) It was a huge relief to know that I wasn't the only one nervous. Chaps & his wife prayed with us before & after every session, and each time we left I felt like a huge weight was being lifted off my shoulders. All my wounds from the past were healing, and I was finally able to let go of things from my childhood that were holding me back from a beautiful future that God had in store for me.

Chaps & his wife also talked to us about staying connected during deployments. He said that most couples drift apart over the years, and deployments only speed up that process. He said we had to look at our marriage/love like it was a gas tank.. we have to constantly find ways to come back together and fill that tank back up. I've been reminded of that lately...

This deployment is making me feel sooo disconnected from J. I'm grateful that he is able to call me but the 15 min phone calls once a day just aren't cutting it. I don't even know how to explain it other than I feel like we're drifting away from each other.. but it's more like a forced thing.. and we see it happening but there's nothing we can do to make it stop. I've tried to keep it to myself because I know he has enough stress but I realize that won't do us any good. I just don't know what more I can do to help us stay connected.. There's only so much you can say in a 15 minute phone call. & I don't care how great of a marriage you have or how in love you are, drifting apart during a deployment happens.. whether you want it to or not. I just need to know how to make it stop. What can I do??

I was talking to my friend Trena about it the other day and we both agree that it's hilarious how the military says they want to lower the divorce rates. They sure have a funny way of showing it!! I mean, 15 min phone calls - seriously people???! I feel like my husband is in jail most days!!

Friday, September 25, 2009

*UPDATED* {Read update below} I've been under the weather since last Friday. My tonsils are so huge that my neck has been swollen and tender. I went to medical on Tuesday and it was [as usual] a huge waste of time. The doc didn't do anything. Oh.. he did test me for strep but it came back negative. He didn't give me anything to take for it though. I'm not in much pain today but the swelling hasn't gone down much so I'm wondering if I should go back. I've been trying to rest for the past few days but it's not helping much. Any suggestions?? I'm over it and willing to try anything at this point.

I've been in a bitchy grumpy mood lately. It's probably just from me not feeling well, but I've been really frustrated with this deployment lifestyle. It's been 49 days and I miss him more than the day he left... When is it suppose to get easier?

* * *
I went to the E.R. last night. I couldn't take it anymore. The doc gave me antibiotics. He told me to rest as much as I can, drink warm tea, and eat lots of chicken noodle soup. I hope it helps!
site design by designer blogs